The truth and nothing but the truth.

This is tearing me apart inside. I fear I may have made a huge mistake. And I fear it may be too late to go back and fix it. I can't talk to my best friend about it because she hates him and I know what she'll tell me to do. I mean, at this point there's no denying it: Sure, I had a great time with him the other night, but it's the other one I really want...Maybe even need. I've kept telling myself and telling myself that this other guy is what's right for me right now, but now I'm starting to see that I've been lying to myself.

And that's the hardest part.

I already told him I made a decision. I already broke his heart. I already told her that I made a decision. I really need to learn to think before I say something and make sure it's what's real. Because what I told them was a lie. My brain got in the way of my heart, and now it may be too late to fix things.

But, boy was I wrong...I was so wrong.

I got to talk to him tonight...And things are better, I suppose, but I still don't know what to do. I mean, I know what I want to do, but I can't do it. I can't just go back on everything I told him over the last two days...I don't know what he'd do. And it doesn't help that my good friend told him to give me a hard time if I do just that.

Okay...So I've admitted that I have a problem; I've admitted that I've been in denial for the last few months of my life; And since admitting that you have a problem is the first step, where do I go from here?

Well...Here 'goes.

I just hope this doesn't make things worse.

::EDIT:: Thank God...Things are fine. Things are better than they were before. Though I'm pretty sure a certain person is going to hate me for my decision, it doesn't matter. I feel better...I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.