Complaints about my day...

Today was stupid. Just...Stupid. Of course I'm happy with how things are going with Jordan and I, but then there's always got to be those few people who try to bring you down. The ex-girlfriend who gets jealous and decides to try and make the new girlfriend's life suck. Well, know what? Get over yourself. I don't have to be a whore to go out with him. He's really upped his standards since he dated you. If you have a problem with me, stop being such a coward and come to me and say it. And stop getting your little cronies to giggle at me when I walk by. Yeah...Way to be immature. No wonder he likes older girls. I'm not scared of you and all you've done is piss me off.

Then there's his ex-best friend who thinks she knows everything about him and should know everything about what's going on with him, when really it's none of her business at all. He's over you, he's been over you, your relationship is over...So stop acting like you're still a part of his life and stop trying to control him.

Then, to top it all off, we got in a car accident today. Jordan was dropping me off at my house and we were stopped on the right side of the street. There's a no parking sign, but we weren't planning on staying there forever. So just as I'm about to get out of the car, I look up and see this girl coming at us...She's looking right at us. I figured she would, ya know, steer the car AWAY from Jordan's, but no. She decides to keep going and swerve at the last minute. Thank God she didn't hit us head on...I didn't have a seatbelt on. She hit the front right side of Jordan's car and the battery got all smashed up in the tire. His windshield cracked, too. Everybody was fine, for the most part. Now my whole right side hurts. And I kinda have a limp.

The end.

Happiness...Finally.

This weekend has been amazing.

Friday after school, Erika, Tiara, Jil and I went to a Relient K concert at UNI. That was awesome. We all got concert t-shirts, but left before Switchfoot played because we were all tired and had to get up early the next day.

We had All-State auditions Saturday. My quartet went at 8:30 in the morning, but we did so good. Our audition was flawless. :) Eleven of our Mason City people got in, which is really good: Matt H., Matt W., Nathan H., Greg D., Chad D., Julio T., Nicole P., Katie F., Erika P., Jana E., and myself. Jordan was an alternate, and Jessica and Brett both got in for band!!

When we got home my family went out to eat, and then I went over to Zac's with Jordan and Molly to watch scary movies. We only got to watch 28 Weeks later, though because The Exorcist wouldn't play. So then we just chilled for two hours. Then Jordan took Molly home. And then he took me home. :)

The end.

The truth and nothing but the truth.

This is tearing me apart inside. I fear I may have made a huge mistake. And I fear it may be too late to go back and fix it. I can't talk to my best friend about it because she hates him and I know what she'll tell me to do. I mean, at this point there's no denying it: Sure, I had a great time with him the other night, but it's the other one I really want...Maybe even need. I've kept telling myself and telling myself that this other guy is what's right for me right now, but now I'm starting to see that I've been lying to myself.

And that's the hardest part.

I already told him I made a decision. I already broke his heart. I already told her that I made a decision. I really need to learn to think before I say something and make sure it's what's real. Because what I told them was a lie. My brain got in the way of my heart, and now it may be too late to fix things.

But, boy was I wrong...I was so wrong.

I got to talk to him tonight...And things are better, I suppose, but I still don't know what to do. I mean, I know what I want to do, but I can't do it. I can't just go back on everything I told him over the last two days...I don't know what he'd do. And it doesn't help that my good friend told him to give me a hard time if I do just that.

Okay...So I've admitted that I have a problem; I've admitted that I've been in denial for the last few months of my life; And since admitting that you have a problem is the first step, where do I go from here?

Well...Here 'goes.

I just hope this doesn't make things worse.

::EDIT:: Thank God...Things are fine. Things are better than they were before. Though I'm pretty sure a certain person is going to hate me for my decision, it doesn't matter. I feel better...I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.