Complaints about my day...

Today was stupid. Just...Stupid. Of course I'm happy with how things are going with Jordan and I, but then there's always got to be those few people who try to bring you down. The ex-girlfriend who gets jealous and decides to try and make the new girlfriend's life suck. Well, know what? Get over yourself. I don't have to be a whore to go out with him. He's really upped his standards since he dated you. If you have a problem with me, stop being such a coward and come to me and say it. And stop getting your little cronies to giggle at me when I walk by. Yeah...Way to be immature. No wonder he likes older girls. I'm not scared of you and all you've done is piss me off.

Then there's his ex-best friend who thinks she knows everything about him and should know everything about what's going on with him, when really it's none of her business at all. He's over you, he's been over you, your relationship is over...So stop acting like you're still a part of his life and stop trying to control him.

Then, to top it all off, we got in a car accident today. Jordan was dropping me off at my house and we were stopped on the right side of the street. There's a no parking sign, but we weren't planning on staying there forever. So just as I'm about to get out of the car, I look up and see this girl coming at us...She's looking right at us. I figured she would, ya know, steer the car AWAY from Jordan's, but no. She decides to keep going and swerve at the last minute. Thank God she didn't hit us head on...I didn't have a seatbelt on. She hit the front right side of Jordan's car and the battery got all smashed up in the tire. His windshield cracked, too. Everybody was fine, for the most part. Now my whole right side hurts. And I kinda have a limp.

The end.

Happiness...Finally.

This weekend has been amazing.

Friday after school, Erika, Tiara, Jil and I went to a Relient K concert at UNI. That was awesome. We all got concert t-shirts, but left before Switchfoot played because we were all tired and had to get up early the next day.

We had All-State auditions Saturday. My quartet went at 8:30 in the morning, but we did so good. Our audition was flawless. :) Eleven of our Mason City people got in, which is really good: Matt H., Matt W., Nathan H., Greg D., Chad D., Julio T., Nicole P., Katie F., Erika P., Jana E., and myself. Jordan was an alternate, and Jessica and Brett both got in for band!!

When we got home my family went out to eat, and then I went over to Zac's with Jordan and Molly to watch scary movies. We only got to watch 28 Weeks later, though because The Exorcist wouldn't play. So then we just chilled for two hours. Then Jordan took Molly home. And then he took me home. :)

The end.

The truth and nothing but the truth.

This is tearing me apart inside. I fear I may have made a huge mistake. And I fear it may be too late to go back and fix it. I can't talk to my best friend about it because she hates him and I know what she'll tell me to do. I mean, at this point there's no denying it: Sure, I had a great time with him the other night, but it's the other one I really want...Maybe even need. I've kept telling myself and telling myself that this other guy is what's right for me right now, but now I'm starting to see that I've been lying to myself.

And that's the hardest part.

I already told him I made a decision. I already broke his heart. I already told her that I made a decision. I really need to learn to think before I say something and make sure it's what's real. Because what I told them was a lie. My brain got in the way of my heart, and now it may be too late to fix things.

But, boy was I wrong...I was so wrong.

I got to talk to him tonight...And things are better, I suppose, but I still don't know what to do. I mean, I know what I want to do, but I can't do it. I can't just go back on everything I told him over the last two days...I don't know what he'd do. And it doesn't help that my good friend told him to give me a hard time if I do just that.

Okay...So I've admitted that I have a problem; I've admitted that I've been in denial for the last few months of my life; And since admitting that you have a problem is the first step, where do I go from here?

Well...Here 'goes.

I just hope this doesn't make things worse.

::EDIT:: Thank God...Things are fine. Things are better than they were before. Though I'm pretty sure a certain person is going to hate me for my decision, it doesn't matter. I feel better...I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

"Fiddler" Rant.

Basically, I'm getting sick of this musical. Of course, I love it, but the way things are being done just pisses me off. A lot of people are pissing me off, too...


1) If you're not going to come to construction, don't piss and moan about how things aren't done or how the painting looks like crap. If you want things done how you want them, do them yourself!

2) If you're going to come to construction and act like you're doing something or just hide the whole time, you might as well not be there. And if you're doing that, then shut up about how the set looks. If everyone were pulling their own weight, the set would be done by now.

3) I have only been doing things the way I've been told. In other words, the houses for the set I did how I was told to do them. Yes, they're supposed to be upside down. I know the colors are a little bright, get over it. But I put my time and energy into making them look decent and look like how they're supposed to, and it makes me feel horrible when people talk about how bad they look in front of me. Try to be a little more sensitive.

4) Things shouldn't have to be repainted. And repainted. And repainted again. Two coats of paint would be fine. When I said something was finished, I meant don't touch it with anymore paint. I didn't mean, "Oh, sure! Go ahead and repaint it all crappy like so I have to go redo them AGAIN." Follow directions!!!!!!

5) I don't mean to "toot my own horn" or anything, but I was put in charge of the houses and a lot of the other painting for a reason. I am an art student. I am planning on going into art as a profession. I have been doing art things all my life. Don't you think I would kinda know what I'm doing?! Yes, you can offer suggestions you think would make it look better, but don't just go and do it without asking!!!

I apologize for my bitchyness, but come on...

Also, there's some people that, like Sarah, I wish would get caught on the fly rails. That or get a weight dropped on them. When you know a girl has a boyfriend, you don't go up and touch her. Ew. Even if you are a person "in charge" or even just pretend you are, you have no right to assume about anything going on.

I really hope this show can get pulled together in the next couple of days. People STILL don't know their lines, (I just got a bunch of new lines the other day and they're memorized!!!!!), and the dances look horrible because the choregrapher just came in and changed a bunch.



The end.

Confliction.

When I went into work today, my boss said he needed to talk to me. Earlier this week I posted a copy of the dates and times I'd need off for the summer musical so that I could be scheduled around that, and Jill had to take those times off, too. My boss was a little worried that I would be taking off too much time, but I explained to him that I would only need those times of-not the whole day-so I could work some times.

Anyways, he said that if I was going to try out for a main part in the musical and if I got the part and needed to take off even more time for the extra practices, he would need to hire someone to fill in for me while I was in the musical. And that, when I came back, he couldn't just fire that person. Then he told me that I had to choose between my job and the musical.

Now, I don't know about you, but I actually like my job. Yeah, I make sandwiches, but it's fun, not too difficult, and it gives me some money too. Plus, I'd spent a long time looking for a job and finally got this one-I don't want to give it up that easily. Also, I love music. Music is my life and this year I was planning on trying out for a main part....In fact, I had my heart set on it. However, after this meeting with my boss, I told him I guess I wouldn't try out for a main part, so I could keep my job.

At first I was like, "Yeah...Okay. I can always do it next year." But now that I'm thinking about it, I really want to try out for a main part. I know I haven't had that much acting experience, (I was in Steben's for a while when I was younger, but I don't think I'm that great at acting now), but if I was given a smaller part in the musical I'm sure I could manage. I don't think I'm going to go into music or Broadway as a career, but for the time being I want to do as much as I can. Y'know...Explore my options.

I really want this.

But I also don't want to lose my job.

And I have until Wednesday to decide.

Well, crap.

This sucks.

Choir and Quizno's and School have consumed my life.

I have no social life-Wait...What is a social life?

Even though I only work a couple of days a week, i'm either at some choir thing or doing homework. I'm tired of being a student. I'm only a Junior and I've got Senioritis.

Right now...We have to make this movie for Spanish class and we could have gotten the filming done tonight, but for reasons unknown to me the third member of our group couldn't come. Tomorrow and Thursday I work from 4:30 to close...My group expects me to be able to get off of work at 9:30, go film a movie, come home, and edit the thing all while finishing up my other homework and trying to get a decent amount of sleep. In case you haven't noticed, I don't do well without sleep.

And now, I can't go to CIML because I can't miss any more classes this year. I better be able to go on the Art Trip...

Art is what I want to do. Art is my passion. And when my stupid other required classes are taking away from that, I'm not a happy person.

On top of all that, I'm trying to plan prom stuff...Schedule hair and nail appointments, figure out dinner, photos, and post prom...Which I guess isn't completely necessary, but I would really like to go, considering I have a dress and shoes and a date.

I actually have a date.

To prom.

And I don't have to pay him to be my date.

My head is going to explode.

I don't do well under stress.

And this is a lot of stress.

New York, New York is everything they say!

But there are places I'd rather be.

I'm definetely not a big-city girl. I almost got run over by a taxi twice!

New York is simply amazing. Over the course of six days I learned pretty much everything I need to know about the people in choir. I learned who to stay away from, and who I could get close to. :) I slept sooooo much today on the bus, (thanks to Gabe for being my pillow <3), We not only got into the top eight at the Festival of Gold and not only did we get into the top three...We tied for first place.

So this is all I'm going to write for now. I'm going to bed.